We spoke to Laurie shortly after her dog, Bailey, went missing. She told us about her life with and without him, as well as her experience as a newcomer to Kelowna’s street community. 

I came to Kelowna because I was with, my boyfriend for a period of time, who grew up in Penticton. And I just needed to make a move. I wanted to, for occupation purposes, and just had the opportunity to come here and I heard it was nice. I grew up in Ontario, and my boyfriend at the time grew up in this area. He had been in Ontario for five years and wanted to come back home.

That was approximately two years ago. So I came down here and we stayed, I had no finances really, we headed up to rent a motel in Gallagher, so we stayed there for a month. I was going to start a cleaning company here. When I got here it was far out from everywhere, everything was different. I was from a small town and it was a lot different here. Without a license or a car it made it challenging.

And Gallagher is so far out from the city also, so it’s really kind of useless. I had put an ad on the internet and had got a call from a construction company in the city, in Penticton they were doing a job, so I took a job there. But I had to hire a guy that was moving furniture and see if he would move me to bring me to the cleaning.

It took everything I made
to pay off what it cost me
to get there.

I grew up really sheltered from a lot of things. Drinking and mischief and just drunken things, that have caused me a lot of serious trouble with the law. I don’t believe in the justice system. I don’t think there is any justice in the justice system, period. Something so small to somebody else, like, a criminal record, is a very big deal. I wish there was some sort of measurement on it, like when you go to apply for things, like housing or jobs, where it could say low barrier or medium barrier, just something where, I don’t think people need, I think it’s a private thing, that information, and I don’t think that should be public, unless you victimize and are a danger to society, I don’t feel like that should be public. It’s a breach of somebody’s privacy. There’s so many things that people do that they don’t get caught for, just regular human nature, that doesn’t get said and they don’t know you have a history. And then you do something silly, it really sets the course of your life.

Here, for some reason, you come here, you’re always accepted here no matter what. They leave you alone here. Right now, I can sit down and you’re not at risk of really anything major.

What do you mean by here?

Here on Leon. Compared to the rest
of the city. Why do I come here? Why
do people come here? That’s why.
Not judged. Not gawked at. I just feel
normal. Like, I’m out there, the whole
thing, people are staring at you, gawking
at you, it’s like you’re put on judgment,
put on stage.

There’s a lot of great people here at the same time. I feel like I have made a lot of connections here with people. I’m very torn, because sometimes I get torn between some people are just straight down evil, but you make a connection with them, in a different way that you know is there, I don’t know if it’s me wanting to make a connection, or I don’t know.

This is what I go through every day, this sort of thing. It’s an emotional, physically exhausting thing, because you’re talking to people that you want to like, and I’ve suffered a lot of things. Are they taking you? They don’t give a shit if your dog’s taken, they’re still going to take your purse, they don’t care. It’s hard to believe and hard to live with.

But you’ve got to live with them. They’re really hard to read. And I’m a very curious person, I want to know about everything, their life, and then you create a better connection, it’s challenging. One day you give them a pack of cigarettes and the next day you want to kill them. That’s how you feel. But everyone goes through it, they’re all the same, they steal from each other. I say “they” because it is they, I don’t do those things. Not that I’m better, it’s just I don’t come from that, so I’m not prepared at all.

I do feel like a victim, I feel like
a very big victim of this city.

The rules here at these shelters are unreasonable, for some people. Some people just straight up shouldn’t have these type of jobs.

I had housing the whole time I was in Ontario. I was on Ontario disability. And because of just a few things, nothing major, anyhow, I was trying to find work there. In Ontario, I also, there’s a few reasons I moved here, one of the ones was because I wanted to make a change. I was on Ontario disability for ten years,

I suffered some traumatic experiences
as a child. But in the end I wasn’t incapable
of working, I was completely capable. I am
a hard worker, there is nothing wrong, I have
very good work ethic.

And I think after ten years of being on it, it was more of a hindrance, it kept me down basically, I wasn’t satisfied. I didn’t feel like anything was being met, I was just treading water. So I wanted to make a move and do something, actually do something, and I thought that that cleaning business would have worked very well. I still think it will here.

So is it still a dream of yours to do that one day?

Yes, absolutely. But you get caught up in this, this is a very good way to keep you down, when you end up here. Whether it’s the organization itself that’s helping you, or it’s the people that are living here, and then on top of it, it’s the stigma because of the things that go on because of the position people are in. The law system, the whole deal, to be honest I hate all of them. I feel like there is good people in every part of it, but basically it’s sucked the life right out of me. All this stuff that is going on.

You end up here, demobilized, every bit of dignity, everything stripped from you, like a piece of garbage.

I’m not a racist person, but you almost
feel like you’re from the 1940s and a black
person, like I can almost relate to how they
must have felt in that time, because that’s
exactly what’s happening.

And it’s happened to everybody down here. I believe there is a reason why everybody, I do believe there’s bad things, but I don’t think these are all bad people. You can’t say that. It would be nice, it’s easy to say that, but unfortunately it’s not the case. I’ve only been this far, I can’t imagine growing up like this and living like this and this being all that I know. And after a time, you just don’t care. I never littered, I never threw a piece of bubblegum, I was raised with good values and morals and respect for the police and respect for authority, and I always tried to challenge it in a way.

I feel like there’s been times that have been a detriment to me, because I’m only a human being and I just can’t take it anymore, they’re all so, the by law’s being mean, everybody hears a story and they think you’re this now, you’re this demon, and I’m like nothing, it’s completely the opposite way. I mean, I’m no saint. And I throw all my stuff around and say let the city clean it up, they want to treat me like garbage, I’ll give them my garbage. So to some degree, that’s what’s going on here too, when there’s a lot of stupid petty crimes going on. It’s almost like a victimization, it’s almost like they’re victimizing the people as they’re being victimized. I don’t know what my take is, it’s just, there’s a lot of petty things that go on there.

I think it’s got to do with the fact that,
if you’re stripped, what is a soul or what
is a person made of, if you’re stripped of
all your dignity, what’s left? What’s left
really?And if you treat people like shit,
that’s what you’re going to end up with.

I would love to be able to tell people what I’ve experienced and have them get it. Because in my world that I was living, I wasn’t much different from them. I was raised in this way, that people are just bums because they don’t want to work, and this kind of mentality. The experience, I wouldn’t trade it, because I feel like I know things in a different way. There’s been a lot of great people.

I have a brother, I have a mom and a dad, and I grew up, my parents were about upper middle class and had very good work ethic, and that’s where I was taught a lot of it.

 

So what is it like for you to have a pet on the street?

Well, I accepted the fact that the dog couldn’t come inside. It was very difficult. In the winter time, it was cold some nights, but we bundled up. Bailey, I always had him in the cart with blankets. The challenging part a few times was lots of snow. It wasn’t unbearable, it was uncomfortable. The regular things that no one can make a change to, I mean, you can’t go and sit in a coffee shop obviously. That’s the challenge I knew it was going to be, and it is very challenging.

Dogs are from heaven. I think
they really are. They don’t have
any ill intention, they don’t steal,
they just want to love you and
they want you to love them back.

They’re just like the real deal, a gift. The reason I am here is because of that dog. I did everything I could for him with what I had. And he didn’t suffer, he loved me. I loved him. I would risk everything if someone could say that he would come back.

I came down here, I had a drinking problem. I’m leaving with a crystal meth problem. I didn’t have this problem until two months ago. I fought through it, tried to stay away from it, wouldn’t be around it. Because you can be afraid of anything, but if you’re around it everyday…

The worst thing is the dog. The second worst thing would be just the cruelty as a human being you are treated with. And sometimes the police, I was made a complete mockery of instead of helping me, just making me feel like a fool, like what’s wrong with you, why wouldn’t you go up and wash in the bathroom. Well the bathroom was from here to downtown.

Fed up. You’re fed up. You just don’t care about anything at that point. I’m a monster. I’m a monster sitting there. Stay away from me. And sometimes I say things to people and you just feel horrible. The things I’ve done I can’t even believe. But I can’t explain to you the anger, just the absolute rage and anger would blow you away.

So it’s not that I’m trying to run a pity party, because I don’t feel, I don’t know how to even – all of the things that have happened to me, they’ve stolen stuff from me, but they’ve stolen stuff that I’ve gotten out of a dumpster, so, you know. But I had a laptop the other day, and that was great, because I can’t get in anywhere with the dog and this way I can actually try to get a job or fix something to get a sitter for Bailie. But it got stolen by someone who at the time was one of my friends.

So it’s constantly being played a fool is not very good either on your self esteem. I don’t think I’m a stupid person. I can be fooled easily because I have compassion. Most people have compassion. I’m definitely gullible. It’s the two combined too, because you genuinely want to help them. That’s your first motive. If you come here in a relationship, I say there’s people who are together for 70 years who don’t know each other the way you would in one month here.

When you’re on your last cigarette
 or your last dollar, you really find out
who a person is.

So everybody is an open book to everybody on the street, so you can’t hide anything.

In my opinion, the whole way that people are receiving money from the government is an automatic failure. Receive your check halfway through the month, people are here because they can’t pay their bills, it’s spent before it’s in their hand. And you’re leaving it up to them to hold onto it for 15 days to pay rent?

I just wish that… I’d like my dog back.
I’d like to have a business and do things
that I’m capable of.

 

Copyright for all photographs, audio recordings, and transcribed written materials,
resides jointly with the author, Kelowna Museums Society, and Metro Community.